First Kuwait Massage

It’s been a month since my last post. I had Christmas break, two weeks of work and another two weeks off. 

The holidays are always a welcome rush for me. I enjoy preparing to travel, buying gifts, meeting old friends for coffee and of course family. This past holiday season was no different. However, the holidays, no matter how much I enjoy preparing for them, are stressful for me. 

I  try to alleviate that stress by taking care of myself. What that means is Il do things for myself  I don’t normally do when I’m living in America. For instance, I love Mani/Pedis, facials, massages, and other little goodies spas offer. I don’t get to indulge in that love affair when I’m in America, so I make sure I pamper myself when I’m living abroad. This year, after four long years, I began my love affair with spas again. I love to pamper myself before I board that long 15-hour flight home from abroad. This year was no different. A few days before I was to get on that long flight home, I did what I normally do, I got a Mani/Pedi and a massage. Normally, massages relax and destress me. I usually experience feelings of euphoria that lasts until I get to my desired destination. That’s why I  make it a ritual to have a massage before I travel long distances.

Finding a spa in Kuwait I’m compatible with has been and is (so far) eventful and disappointing. The spa I found that I really liked allows customers to smoke INSIDE the spa. Customers can smoke while getting a Mani/Pedi and (I assume) getting other services.   I was getting the best Mani/Pedi I think I’ve ever had in my life when I saw women smoking in a place with flammable chemicals nearby. The mental picture I conjured up in my mind was enough to keep me from visiting that highly flammable chemical palace again. I never went back to that place is what I"m saying. 

I haven’t given up on finding a spa that is compatible with me here.  I was pleasantly pleased when I found a spa close to my apartment that looked legitimate enough to perform the services I was looking for. I went to the spa a few days before my flight home to get a manicure. I was pleased with the results. I was so pleased I decided to make an appointment for a massage two days after my first visit. Needless to say,  my experience wasn’t what I had hoped for.  I walked away feeling more stressed, uptight and wondering “why me”?

I usually listen to my spirit in situations, but sometimes (unfortunately) my mind overtakes my decisions and I ignore the warnings my spirit shouts at me. This massage was one of those situations.

The ladies remembered me from the previous manicure, and I was warmly greeted by them all when I walked into the salon.  While I waited on the masseuse my spirit kept saying ‘leave’ but my mind kept saying ‘it may not be that bad, why not stay and see what happens’. I stayed. When the masseuse was ready, she led me into the massage room. I looked at the paper on the massage table and asked the masseuse to change the paper because it looked like it had been used (I should have left then). She assured me it had not been used, but I insisted that she change the paper while I was there. She complied. 

When the masseuse brought her phone into the room I fixated on a rolling pin one uses to flatten pastry in the kitchen that was lying on the small table next to the massage table. I thought, what is that used for? My mind said,  let’s see how this ends while my spirit said leave. I stayed.

I was told to undress. There was no place to hang my clothes, so I asked the masseuse where I needed to put my clothes. She offered to take them and place them in another room. I refused to let her take my clothes out of the massage room into another room, so she led me into what looked like a storage closet. I placed my clothes on some stacked boxes in that closet.  At this point, I should have run out of the salon (with my clothes on), but I didn’t. I guess if I had run out I wouldn't be writing this blog post.

As I laid on the table on my stomach I kept thinking about how I might be pleasantly surprised despite the weird beginning. The masseuse found her massage playlist on her phone; she hit play and laid her phone on the rolling pin table as soft music began to play. It's been my experience when a masseuse applies oil and/or lotion to customers they usually warm the oil by rubbing it in their hands before applying it to the bodies of their customers. The oil and/or lotion is never applied to the customer cold. THIS masseuse did not get that memo. She applied a cold and sticky oil directly onto my back from a bottle with a pump without any warning. The surprise from the shockingly cold and sticky oil on my warm back almost made me yell SHIT and jump up!

She lightly rubbed the awful oil onto my back and shoulders while my spirit said leave again, however, my mind said let’s see how this is going to end. Right then I made the decision to stick this adventure out until the end. I also made the decision to never go to that salon again.

The massage was weirdly light and I’m convinced to this day the masseuse learned her skills from watching Youtube while practicing on a pillow. After 'massaging' my shoulders, my back and my legs the masseuse directed me to lay on my back. I closed my eyes as she massaged my shoulders and arms. I decide if I were going to stick this adventure out, I'd make the best of a really bad and uncomfortable situation.  

The light massage was not unbearable, and I eventually thought to myself that maybe the masseuse was learning how to give massages. I thought, we all have to learn, so maybe I shouldn't be so hard on her.  

I was settling into the (still uncomfortable) massage when all of a sudden, my eyes flew open like someone had pulled a window shade down too hard and released it too soon. You know what I mean when the window shade is pulled down too hard and released too soon the window blind snaps so hard up to the top of the window it sometimes seems to roll around on itself a few times before settling down.  That’s what I felt like my eyes had done they shot open so fast. 

The masseuse had gone down to my lower stomach for the massage and (to this day I’m not sure why) stuck her index finger into my navel and swirled it around (yes, inside my navel). I was shocked!!! I almost laughed out loud at the absurdity of this part of the massage.

The end of the massage couldn’t come soon enough for me. and when it did I was happy the masseuse didn’t use the rolling pin I had previously spotted on the table, got dressed, paid my bill and got the hell out of that weird space.  I walked out of the spa looking like Patrick Starr (arms and legs spread so far apart I looked like a fully clothed walking starfish).  I had to make sure the only thing touching my now sticky skin was my clothes as I almost ran home to jump in the shower. I can’t imagine what would have stuck to the skin that was exposed if I had fallen or a piece of paper had been blown onto my hands or face.

Since I’m not a quitter, I went to a salon my friend referred me to for a Mani/Pedi when I got back from Christmas break. My friend went with me to the salon and thought it would be hilarious to bring up the weird index finger and navel incident to the nail tech giving me a Mani/Pedi. The nail tech giggled then laughed while shaking her head back and forth. She said she had never heard of such a thing and it sounded like the masseuse didn’t know what she was doing. We laughed. I laughed because the weird index finger and navel experience (which is what it is now called) was particularly uncomfortable for me. My friend laughed because it was funny to her.

Moral of the story: you get what you pay for, listen to your spirit, and sticking around to see how something ends probably won’t end well.