My Smile

 

It’s been a HARD year, month, week. I’ve been trying to survive just because I need to survive. Sometimes it’s hard to stay focused on the positive.

 

My car (Green Bean) has decided that after over 260,000 miles it’s time to take a break. So she stopped working. I can’t even jump her off. I guess she had bouts of anxiety (like me) and has to take a break from what's going on.

 

Both my laptops got tired of me playing games and watching movies on them and decided to slow down to almost dead or just stop working. I think they were working in tandem because their breakdowns happened on the same day.

 

My job terminated me. Then said they would rehire me. Confused? Me too.

 

The tears came Sunday in front of my daughter and godson. They are never sure what to do with me when they see me cry. Me either. They do the best they can and they help me when they see me cry by offering words of comfort.  They don’t normally see me cry because both their roles in life is to harass me while making fun of me. So when I cry, their hearts cry. I know this because they never make fun of me when I’m done crying.

 

I received a phone call a few days after the tsunami of life hit me from my dear BatMate (he’s my buddy from Kuwait).  We were having the best conversation when all of a sudden I started looking for my phone in my purse. It wasn’t there!!! I panicked so badly!! I panicked because for a while I kept losing phones. I think I lost three phones in about six months. My daughter got me this phone because she said “I’m tired of you and these raggedy phones” or something like that.

 

Anyway, I’m anxious and panicked because, on top of the suck salad I’ve had to endure the past few days, I am now worried I’ve lost my phone. I’m thinking “Oh my God, what is Cris going to say?” And “She’s going to be so mad at me.” I couldn’t figure out where I had left that darn phone so I interrupted my BatMate and told him I had to hang up. I was so desperate to find that phone I didn’t even tell him WHY I had to get off our call so abruptly.

 

When we hung up I took all the contents out my purse to see if it was there. After taking all the contents out I realized
I had to do one thing BEFORE I started taking my purse contents out. I had to put the phone I was having the conversation on, the phone I was looking for, on the seat of the car.

 

Let me clarify what I’ve just said: I was talking on my phone and got anxious because I thought I had lost said phone while I was talking on it.

 

That has been the jest of 2020 for me so far.